Sometimes you just need to write your feelings out, to get them off your chest, out in the open. It is such a freeing feeling. I always feel a release after I put pen to paper, or in this case my fingers to the keyboard. I have been dealing with lots of feelings/thoughts/emotions lately that I can't express to anyone except my hubby, but sometimes he gets tired of me talking :) (he has never told me that but I can see it in his eyes). Where to start???
About a year ago I had a few people (close to me) tell me things about me that were hurtful, cutting deep into my spirit. These were things about my personality, the person that I am and the way that God made me. I was broken after this. I didn't know how to deal with people telling me I was an awful person straight to my face. I cried, I spoke back, I moved on, but the hurt is still there sometimes (tears flow as I remember). I put walls up. I shut down. I didn't talk to them or around them anymore. I wasn't sure who they wanted me to be and didn't feel like I could be myself. This is not the first time this has happened. Almost every job I've ever had, I've had someone tell me that I am difficult to work with, I have a bad personality, I'm not friendly, etc. I always thought they were crazy until this last time, then I realized that the common denominator in all these occurrences is ME! What do I do with this?? I can't change who I am. I don't want to. But I do want to be able to get along with people, have friends, etc.
I admit, I am not perfect. I never have been and I never will be. But I am ME! I like me and there are a few other people that do to. And being a people pleaser is not easy when it comes to a situation like this...I can't make everyone like me, it is IMPOSSIBLE and very time consuming, so I guess I will do me and whoever can deal with me, will deal with me. Me and my family seem to always blame it on being a Vanderburg, with our harsh looks, overwhelming sarcasm, bad sense of humor, etc, but I don't think we are THAT bad. :)
God made me the way I am for a reason. I have a BIG heart and LOVE people. I pray every day that His will is done in my life and I make a difference in someone's life. I might not be the most outgoing person, the friendliest, the one always smiling, but I am REAL. I laugh, I cry, I get mad, I love deeply, but I am never just what someone wants me to be, I am always me.
I pray that you will always be you, no matter what people say. God made you the way you are for a reason and no one should ever make you feel bad about that. We are made in God's image, so to him we are perfect!
